May this New Year open up for your new horizons, fill your heart with new hopes and bring you promises of brighter tomorrow.

Explore every joy of life and may your resolutions for the days ahead stay firm, turning all your dreams into realities and all your efforts into achievements.

Best Wishes for a Beautiful New Year

During my stay in the hospital for the second chemo, there is this uncle (We are not related. Generally in S’pore, we call a man above middle-age as “Uncle”) in his sixties whom I will always remember. He came everyday to visit his wife who stayed in the bed next to me. I don’t know what illness does his wife have but she was in great pain most of the time and keep vomiting.

The uncle is as thin as his wife. He looks fragile but he is friendly and helpful. He offered to help when he saw me pushing the stand with infusion pumps and drugs to the toilet. I told him I can manage. Other than that, we didn’t really talk. When I saw him, I simply simile and nod at him. He came early in the morning and went home late at night. He talked to his wife, kept her accompany, cleaned her and massaged her, trying his best to make her as comfortable as possible. I can tell that he cares and loves his wife very much. On the day of my discharge, I overheard that they will transfer her to the hospice the next day. Uncle was not around when I left the hospital so I don’t have the chance to say goodbye to him.

I met uncle the next day when I was back to the hospital for injection of the booster for the white blood cell. He gave me a big smile when he saw me. He came to me, shake my hand and congratulate me for discharge. I told him I will be back for more chemo. He held my hand, gently pat them, look at me and said “You have to be strong, don’t give up”. I can see that his eyes turn red. That few words are more than enough to touch me deeply….. Is that also what he hope for his wife? He could have been taking care of his wife for long time and understand very well the pain and suffering that a cancer patient goes through. His wife might have lost the battle but he sincerely hope others like me will continue to fight and win the battle. Uncle, I promise I will be strong and I hope all the best for you and your wife. Take care, uncle!

I have completed the second chemo on 22/Dec. It is more relaxing this time as I know what to expect base on the previous experience. The doctor can find my vein easily, thanks to the tips from Vincent on exercising my hand using hand grip.

The chemo drugs are infused into my vein via Infusion pump. The Infusion pump is used to control the flow rate of the drug. It will beep when the drug is finished and when there are air bubbles in it.

Infusion Pumps

Day 1: Etoposide (2 hr)

Day 2: Carboplatin (1 hr), Etoposide (2 hr), Ifosfamide + Mesna (24hr)

Day 3: Etoposide (2 hr), Mesna (12 hr)

Sodium Chloride (Drip) runs throughout the cycle except when Carboplatin is infused. Dexamethasone is a steroid injected twice a day to prevent inflammation. Kytril is a drug to prevent nausea and is injected once a day.

Pegfilgrastim is a white blood cell booster injected 24hr after I have completed the chemo. I don’t dare to inject myself and prefer to go back to the hospital and get the nurse to do it for me. This drug costs $755. It is very expensive but a necessity to reduce my risk of infection. 

Initially, the doctor has only installed 1 plug on my hand which is sufficient to run 3 drugs simultaneously. However, on the third day, there is bleeding in my bladder lining (I didn’t drink enough water at night) and they have to run Etoposide at the same time. Therefore, Dr. Suraya (the same doctor I met in the first chemo) installed another plug at the same vein as last time. Both the veins have smooth flow and I don’t have much pain as compared to the first chemo.

Plugs on my hand

I was extremely tired and have very bad body ache (from jaw down to chest)  for 2 days after I have discharged. I feel better today. I will see Dr. Yap on 30/Dec for review and blood test. Dr. Lim has scheduled to see me on 9/Jan. If my body condition is good, he wants me to be admitted and start the next chemo on 9/Jan.

My latest CT scan result shows that the tumour in my nose has reduced to minimal. Hooray! Hooray! I am extremely happy All the side effects that I have gone through are all worthwhile. My biggest worry was that the tumour might not react to the radiotherapy so I am relieved now. Thanks to all my dear friends who have prayed and wish for me. Another 4 cycles of Chemotherapy should remove all the remaining cancerous cell.

My rashes have finally subsided today when I see Dr. Lim. I asked him what could be the cause of the rashes as I have not history of allergy. He asked if I have eaten cakes. I told him yes. He then asked if I ate Pandan cake. Bingo! I have switched to cake last week for breakfast and tea break as cake is easier to swallow compared to bread. Most of the time, I eat Pandan cake as it is very soft. Dr. Lim said that the “dye” in the Pandan cake has most likely cause the allergy. I was lucky that I have switched back to bread since yesterday. I have been thinking what could be the source of my allergy and even the Chinese Physician can’t tell me. If Dr. Lim was around last Monday then may be I don’t have to delay my Chemo and don’t need to go for another 2 blood tests. He wants me to start Chemo as soon as possible as I am behind schedule. He even called personally to check if there is bed available today. Unfortunately, it is full so I will start Chemo tomorrow.

Dr. Lim seems to know a lot. He is my idol now . I am grateful to have such a good doctor. Now I understand why he is so busy and has so many patients to see (my longest waiting time is almost 2 hours..haha..). He is Dr. Lim Soon Thye, a medical oncologist specialised in Lymphoma in National Cancer Centre.

Yesterday, I went to see doctor to check on my rashes and if I can proceed with the chemo. Dr. Lim was not in so I see Dr. Tham and Dr. Tao. They cannot confirmed if my rashes are Urticaria as I don’t have history of allergy. They were worried that the skin rashes are symptoms of T-cell Lymphoma. Such symptom is related to what is called an ‘immune reaction’ in the body to some abnormal proteins produced by the cancer cells. This lymphoma could affect the liver. Therefore, they refused to let me proceed with the chemo. They further explained that it is not advisable to go for chemo with skin rashes because if I’m allergy to the chemo drugs and develop new rashes, they will not be able to identify it. I was asked to do a blood test to check my liver. They have also arranged me to see Dr. Lim on Thursday and do another blood test.

Both the doctors sound serious and this make me worry if the Lymphoma has gone worse. I have therefore decided to see a Chinese Physician to check on the rashes. The physician confirmed that the rashes are most likely Urticaria. He listen to my pulse and checked that my body is alright but slightly heaty. He gave me some Chinese medicated syrup and said that the rashes should subside within a week. The medicated syrup has a very strong herbal smell and I think it should be very bitter. For the first time, I am glad that I have lost my taste bud or else I will have problem to drink it.

Today, some of the rashes on my leg have subsided. There are only a few new ones pop up on my hand. I hope all will be gone by Thursday when I see Dr. Lim. This is the first time that I have such rashes and I never have any allergy before. I am very frustrated that the rushes come at the wrong time and just one day after I saw Dr. Lim last Friday . Although I have no allergy before doesn’t mean that I don’t have it now as my body condition has changed. I wonder what causes the rashes. Some friends said it could be that I drink too much herbal tea or due to to the wind as it is very cooling recently and some said I could be allergy to some food now. They might be right and I just have to be more careful in future.

Last Friday, I did a blood test and Dr. Lim allowed me to start Chemo on Monday. I was happily looking forward to my 4 days 3 nights “retreat”…

Unfortunately, I developed rashes yesterday. Big and small red patches started first on my leg and later spread to my hand and body. They are extremely itchy. My mum said they are 风膜 (荨麻疹). I checked in the internet that it is known as Urticaria. I apply ointment (given by mum) which is cooling and it helps to stop the itch tentatively so I have to keep on applying the cream. Some of the rashes have subsided today but new ones developed as well. I don’t know if I can start chemo tomorrow . My sis went to the medcial hall to ask for treatment solution and was told to drink 金银花 (HoneySuchle Flowers)  and apply 白米酒 (Rice wine). I hope they are effective as I do not want to delay the chemo.

If the rashes do no subside tomorrow then I will check with Dr. Lim if I can still proceed with the chemo. Sigh….

I have been resting and resting. This is kind of boring for me. I have no choice as recovery takes time. My nose is abit swollen, the dry skin around my nose and neck is peeling. Everyday, I have to flush my nose with Sodium Bicarbonate (salt water) and it does help me to blow out the mucus easily. The ulcer in my mouth has gone so I have no problem eating and some how, I have got use to the tasteless food. My mouth is very sensitive and some food taste weird such as banana, which is now “spicy” to my tongue.

Most of the time, I’m watching the DVD of HK drama series to pass time. I also exercise my hand with stress ball and hand grip, preparing myself for the chemo. I hope this Friday, Dr. Lim can allow me to start chemo next week because I do not want to waste any more time.

Last Sunday, I started to feel pain in my mouth when I was chewing the food. Yesterday, Dr. Yap confirmed that there are patches of ulcer inside the top part of my mouth. She said that it was normal and that I did not lose too much weight was already a great achievement. Yesterday was my last day of radiotherapy and she congratulated me for “graduation” with good performance My nose is now very sensitive and can be infected easily. That’s why it is not advisable to start chemo immediately as chemo will weaken my immune system.

I thought I have been managing the side effects very well and never expect to still develop ulcer. My mum immediately prepared Ling Yang (Antelope’s horn) drinks for me to reduce the heatiness. She also bought the Ling Yang Pearl Powder for me to spray on the ulcers. I’m glad to have a Super mum to help me in managing the side effects. Some times, chinese medicine is more effective than western medicine in certain area. I’m lucky to stay in S’pore where both medicines are readily available. I have to be on soft diet and the Prosure/Ensure drinks comes in handy now as they act as supplements to provide enough protein and vitamins for my daily needs.

My dear friends would like the cancer survivors to contact me and today, I receive a call from one of the them to share his experience. I understand that all my friends are trying to help me to overcome this stressful period but your words of encouragement is more than enough. Personally, it is not going to help me much by having the cancer survivors to share their experience with me. Cancers have many types and even if it is of the same type, different people react differently to the same treatment. Therefore, my doctors are in the best position to give me advice and I also can get all kinds of information from the Internet. I am able to anticipate the possible side effects and I will try my best to manage them. It can be difficult at times such as having to eat even though the food is tasteless but being a logical person, I know the impact and will ensure that I’m “powerful” enough to go through the treatment. So far, both my doctors considered me as their “ace” patient who has positive attitude and can handle the side effects very well. Therefore, my dear friends, please don’t worry for me.

Next Monday is the last day of my radiotherapy. I should be relieved but somehow, I’m worried. RT is a localized treatment and should be more effective than chemo to eliminate the tumour. However, there are chances that some of the cancerous tumours might not react to RT. I can feel that the bony part of the left nostril protrudes more than the right side which is the same before I start RT. Although Dr. Yap has told me that the tumour is inside my nose and I won’t be able to feel it externally, I am wondering if the tumour can really be eliminated. I will only know the answer 1 month later after I go for the PET scan.

Nevertheless, I’m still glad that the RT is finishing soon. The red patch around my nose is now very prominent and the skin starts to peel off. I was gven an ointment to relieve the dryness. My nose is swollen, full of mucus and bleed easily. My saliva is now as sticky as the mucus and I got choked a few times. Dr. Yap said that my taste bud will be back after a few weeks or months depending on individual. My mouth is now extremely sensitive to “hot” stuff. Even mint flavoured toothpaste is hot enough to make me tears.

Initially, I thought I can start chemo immediately after RT but I was wronged. Dr. Yap said that I need to rest for a few weeks for my nose to recover. She will teach me next Monday to wash my nose and flush out the mucus. My next appointment with Dr. Lim is on 12/Dec and I hope the swelling will subside by then so that Dr. Lim can give the green light to start chemo on 15/Dec.

The skin around my nose is extremely dried. The colour is also much darker now. I’m not sure if i’m lucky that my face is flooded with freckles, pimples and  scar marks, as a results, the colour contrast is not too prominent. I get tired easily, especially after I came back from the radiotherapy and I have to take short naps now. The side effects of radiotherapy have kick in . The mucus in my nose is still very thick. I have already switched from drinking milk to soy milk hoping it will help. Eating has became a difficult task for me since I have lost the sense of taste and it affects my appetite. I have tried all kinds of different food searching for something “tasty” but can’t find any. It takes me more than half and hour to finish a meal…Sigh…

I’m looking forward to 1/Dec which is my last day of Radiotherapy. I still continue to drink herbal tea every day to prevent sore throat and ulcer and so far so good. I keep telling myself to endure and endure…1 more week to go….Counting down everyday.